So Biolab and I sat down to watch Slither (2006) the other day, safe in the knowledge that our thirst for BLOOD, a crazy story, and some silly dialogue would be quenched. We were counting it as a banker: you know, a pastiche of all those movies that you love so it won’t set our world alight but will be solidly entertaining. The same can be said when we recently visited Planet Terror and were falling into cess-pits with Black Sheep.
QUITE GOOD (BUT TRY AGAIN)
That’s pretty much how things turned out.
The film starts at full-throttle and barely lets up – in fact 30 mins in, we were wondering if there was anywhere else to go. I’d say that the middle third (the introduction of CGI worms and the zombies) is where they lost focus on what was working (an absolutely ridiculous monster) but luckily, the movie never comes off the road and the end is actually pretty good (ref: Society??).
Slither (the good)
Slither (the bad)
Feels like: ordering your favourite meal from a high street pub. Overall 6.5/10.
NO EXCUSES – I’M GUNNA BLOW OUT THE GOD DAMN AIRLOCK
In this day and age, with filmmakers and audiences so super cine-literate, there’s no excuses for not producing watchable and entertaining genre movies. It’s not like it takes a lot – just get someone who loves these movies to make them (but leave the successful franchises and A-List movies to filmmakers who have succeeded beyond the genre – I’m thinking RR’s sludge pit ‘Predators’, Snyder’s solid but disappointing Watchmen and the two The Terminator movies (you know, the really crappy ones)).
Also, what the hell is up with cheap CGI? If you haven’t got any money or can’t actually pull it off with originality or believability then get a guy in a suit or use stop-motion! Like your mum.
All you want when watching a film is that everyone involved cares for what is being produced. Have the producers of The Wolfman or Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus actually watched what they made? I doubt it coz they clearly don’t care. The people who made those movies are like high-school jocks who get the lab assistant pregnant and then never see the kids, but dream every night of either dating those rug rats or else punching them in the head. It’s just fucking irresponsible – a drain on society and no doubt you’re spreading your diseases (I’m wondering how Mega Piranha got made?).
Oh yeah, please don’t remake An American Werewolf In London. If you really want to pay homage, get someone who loves it to make something original and then reference it.
These are my thoughts.
Wibbly armed regards,
Airlock
Pablum from the (bio)Lablum 